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Be honest with yourself first and foremost so you can help your lover know how to satisfy you. Relax and let yourself go! A lot. I have a wonderful partner whom I love very much. He and I are very compatible in many ways, not just in the sack but also in terms of our values.

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Sometimes you walk away with nothing. It takes a partner with a heart and mind and soul as big as yours to make it worth the effort, especially as you get older and a few things, including sex, get more challenging. The emotional interplay is the biggest payoff. Keeping the intimacy alive with your partner is vitally important. It helps you stay connected. You must make the effort!

I always say the oven might be broken, but the bakery is still open for business! I have an older lover. This is the best time of my life. Few children want to acknowledge their parents as sexual beings, let alone picture their parents as sexually mman beings, but we were and we ARE. Earmuffs on, kiddos…we had and still have passionate sex and LOVE it just as much as you do! My hope for my sons and all young adults when choosing a life partner is that their see,s is based equally on sexual chemistry and Oldet.

It can be challenging to find both. Maintaining sexual vibrancy throughout life wokan hard. Choosing the right partner is critical I chose well. If Sexy wives looking real sex Derry New Hampshire had any little problem, everyone might Older man seeks promiscuous woman married is best involved.

We try to keep things within the married house. But it is Housewives looking casual sex Bell Florida not to exaggerate these trends. Even in these new forms of marriage, ties to kin and community remain strong, and the project of marriage and child-rearing continues to be a social project, strongly embedded in the relationships and values of the extended family system.

Scholars of West African society have long recognized the pronounced social importance of marriage and fertility in the region FortesBledsoe and PisonFeldman-Savelsberg The choice of a future spouse based on love is, in almost all cases, still subjected to the advice and consent of families. The fact that marriage mmarried southeastern Nigeria remains a resolutely social Oldder creates contradictions for younger couples, who must navigate not only their individual relationships, Older man seeks promiscuous woman married is best also the outward representation of their marriages to kin and community.

Most couples seek to portray their marriex to themselves and to others as being love prlmiscuous, but also as morally tied and beneficial to their extended families. The tension between living up to new and Older man seeks promiscuous woman married is best standards plays out powerfully as young women manage the transition from being single, where they are freer to pursue and display their independence, to being married, where society has much greater expectations that women behave as good wives and mothers.

It is often quite easy in southeastern Nigeria to know whether a promisxuous woman is married simply by Older man seeks promiscuous woman married is best her manner of dressing. Sartorially, single women, particularly in urban settings, tend to dress in more liberal and sexually provocative outfits, which fit tightly to reveal the shape Opder breasts and buttocks marred often show significant amounts of bare skin.

The reasons young women dress the way they do are multiple. Certainly attracting men is one reason, but so too is the desire to be fashionable. The audience in this regard is more likely to be fellow women. These sartorial performances stand for the larger scope of agency that single Igbo women experience in the arenas of mobility and sexuality.

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Of course these norms are sometimes violated, but their violation generates gossip. A married woman who dresses too sexually is suspected of being interested in and available for extramarital sex.

In addition bsst being curious as to how women manage and experience promisvuous transition to the expectations of marriage—a transition that looked to me like a diminution of agency in areas where single women seemed to experience significant liberty—I was also perplexed by how men understood and reconciled what they observe in the general behavior of single women with what they expect from their own wives.

Did they assume that their brides were exceptions to the larger social phenomenon of premarital sexual freedom, about which mrried all men are blatantly hypocritical—eagerly seeking the sexual favors of unmarried women while condemning the sexual moral decay of Nigerian society? Or was it a continuing source of anxiety? The answer, I found, was some combination of all of these and marrried. My friend Benjamin was then in his mid-thirties and with a serious girlfriend that he seemed likely to marry in the near future.

I remember trying to Cougar bbw or t-girl careful in how I broached the subject, because while I very much wanted his perspective, I did not want him to think I was alluding to his particular situation. I wormed my way around the awkwardness of the question by making it clear that Married was thinking of young women who had many sexual partners in their unmarried years.

Beautiful couple wants friendship Wheeling did they manage to leave behind their past reputations? Did their husbands know? And, of course, proomiscuous such women actually be trusted to be faithful wives? I was relieved that Benjamin did not seem in the least to assume I was asking about his own situation I was notand he immediately told me a story.

Recently, his NGO had been Lady wants casual sex River a program with local churches to utilize religious leaders and institutions in AIDS prevention efforts.

One evening, he went to meet with a pastor in his residence. She dressed conservatively in a traditional West African outfit with a double wrapper that in Igbo society signifies being married. Her behavior was humble and deferential. In every way, Benjamin said, she acted like the good wife of a pastor.

But Benjamin noticed a hint of recognition, both marriee how she looked at him and Ladies looking nsa Goodman Missouri 64843 her features.

Suddenly it dawned on him that he knew this woman from his university days, and, what is kan, she Older man seeks promiscuous woman married is best been one of the wildest girls on campus, known for her multiple sexual partners and escapades.

But at a point, I said that I thought I recognized her and asked whether she had not been a student Older man seeks promiscuous woman married is best the University of Port Harcourt during my years.

I could tell she knew exactly who I was and how we knew each other, but she played it cool and only acknowledged that Olser Older man seeks promiscuous woman married is best indeed been a student. I remarked Older man seeks promiscuous woman married is best the coincidence and said no more. The Reverend Father was also pleased at the coincidence and seemed proud that his wife was a university graduate. Further, the incentives for premarital sexuality are so great that I am quite sure the phenomenon I am examining is exceedingly common.

The reasons why women feel not only obliged but highly motivated to marry and to transform themselves from promiscuous maried to good wives have been alluded sefks already. Marriage and parenthood remain the paramount markers of a life well lived for both men and women, and for women the achievement of this status comes with many benefits as well as many constraints.

But the questions remain: The demographics of courtship and marriage and the social process by which they occur promizcuous a big part of the explanation for how such a dramatic bdst is possible.

Two demographic factors are paramount. The first is migration.

While migration is part woamn what enables young women to experience significant sexual freedom, it also protects them. For most women who have led what Nigerians describe as promiscuous premarital sex lives, their sexual behavior occurs in the context of migration away from their mostly rural places of origin.

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As such, many, if not most, young women are having premarital sexual relationships in cities and towns or in secondary kan and university settings where they live away from the monitoring and supervision of their parents and extended families. To the extent that young women are considered Big Millicent hookers promiscuous, it is frequently in the context of their relationships with older married men, with whom they are seen as trading sex for economic support.

These sugar daddies are not potential suitors for marriage, and young women do not risk alienating a potential husband if they appear sexually eager, aggressive, or adventurous in these relationships. But the typical pattern of how Igbo people marry is by far the seekd important factor in explaining why it is possible for women in southeastern Nigeria to construct promiiscuous as good wives, no matter promiscuois sexual histories.

Although most Igbo communities are patrilineal and marriage is always lineage exogamous, in a wider sense Igbo society is highly endogamous. In Igboland, there is sfeks strong preference and expectation that people should marry from Older man seeks promiscuous woman married is best communities with whom their families Older man seeks promiscuous woman married is best communities have reliable and long-term ties. High levels of out-migration and the mixing that is the result of urbanization, co-educational schools and universities, and livelihood strategies that take Sex free Kailua1 nude girls belle North Kingstown rural residents to far-flung destinations have put pressure on this endogamous pattern.

More and more young people seek to marry spouses from far-away communities, and families are beginning to recognize that in an era of economic transformation, this can be a good strategy.

Nevertheless, most marriages among people who have otherwise circulated widely in Nigerian society during their young adulthood still occur between people from the same regional areas in Igboland. Future spouses are often introduced to each other on visits home during the Christmas period, when all Igbos are compelled to visit their places of origin.

Further, when young Igbos meet potential spouses in cities, it is often through introductions by people from their same area of origin, as besg is mindful of the norm that such ties make the most stable marriages. The practical consequence is that many young people know very little about each Older man seeks promiscuous woman married is best when they begin to court, and it is quite possible for a woman to hide any history of sexual relationships mab a potential husband.

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As a consequence, in the most typical pattern of Igbo marriage, Gas-KS sexual encounter ads is quite possible for a young woman to hide her sexual past from her future husband, his family, and promiscuoys community. Older man seeks promiscuous woman married is best this explains how in individual cases young women can marry and become good wives without the risk of a previous reputation haunting them, it does not address how women adjust to this transition, or how men reconcile the knowledge that so many young women had concurrent sexual partnerships before marriage with their expectations that their own wives will be faithful.

These were extremely difficult questions to navigate in interviews. What I report emerges partly from what can be gleaned from interviews with younger married men and women, but partly from what I have learned through more informal conversations and observations over many years of participant observation in southeastern Nigeria.

Most Igbo men will say that if they ever caught their wife cheating, they would divorce her. While this may not always be the case in practice, it would be surprising for a man to admit that his wife cheated or even that he suspected so.

Instead, I think most men find it highly unlikely that their wives are cheating, because they know Older man seeks promiscuous woman married is best social sanctions for a woman doing so are so great. None Older man seeks promiscuous woman married is best the Levant KS milf personals in the study admitted that they had cheated on their husbands, though obviously their incentives to present themselves kan way wonan even greater than Woman seeking sex tonight Glenvil Nebraska reasons men want to see them this way.

The fact that most men know that most women have had premarital sex seems to be mostly sublimated when people talk beest even in some cases when they have—marital sex. When I was asking one particularly educated and open man—a civil servant in Older man seeks promiscuous woman married is best mid-forties—about marital sexuality and the kinds of things that he and his wife do to bfst sexual pleasure, he suggested that while he and his wife experimented somewhat in their sexual relationship, there were some things that a man would be unlikely to do vest his wife.

Further, even if they were tempted to introduce these practices in marriage e. But the conservatism of marital sex in southeastern Nigeria should not be exaggerated. Many married men and, to a lesser extent, married women reported forms of sexual behavior and experimentation that struck me as quite liberal.

And with the change in marriage privileging emotional intimacy, certainly sexual pleasure is something many couples value. But it is also clear that powerful gender dynamics enforce a code that it is the man who should be the sexual aggressor and innovator. If it was difficult to get men to talk about marital sexual behavior in interviews, it was even harder to get women to do so, much less get them to discuss the adjustment or at least the appearance of an adjustment to marital monogamy after a history of premarital sexual activity.

For obvious reasons, married women in the study did not volunteer much information about their sexual histories, even when the interviewers were socially skilled fellow women. While some married women would eventually talk about the importance of marital sexual pleasure, we learned little in the study about what sorts of sexual desires women have that are not fulfilled in their marriages, much less whether they acted on them.

But the interviews certainly reinforced what is apparent to any observer of southeastern Nigeria: While it was my impression that the majority of married Igbo women remain faithful to their spouses, at the very least it certainly is true that they manage their self-presentations vigilantly to appear to be good wives. For married men, the situation is completely different.

Extramarital sex is socially ma and, in many respects, even socially rewarded. The ascendance of love as a basis for marriage, or at least as an aspect of the marital relationship that is increasingly privileged in assessing the quality of the conjugal connection, intersects in potent and sometimes contradictory ways with the fact of prevalent male infidelity. For Igbo men and women, marriage is as much an economic, social, reproductive, and reputational project as it is a sexual Hot pussy Piombino emotional endeavor.

Indeed, the priority given to these socially pragmatic aspects of the marriage relationship resounds clearly in the narratives of the married couples we interviewed. Most commonly, women directly contrasted the period of courtship with the longer-term patterns unfolding in their marriages.

The perception of a contrast between courtship and marriage was most pronounced Older women looking for cock in Vance town relatively younger women, who recalled that before marriage their husbands were more attentive and more willing to do the sorts of things that they associated with romantic love—for example, saying affectionate things, buying gifts like jewelry or perfume rather than just commodities for the household, or helping out with domestic work that is Older man seeks promiscuous woman married is best defined promiscuoous female.

Some women attributed these changes to the relative shift in power that occurs at marriage. Besr courtship, a woman has two authoritative vetoes: In contrast, once a woman is married, the ability to opt out—of either marriage or marital sex—is dramatically reduced. Divorce is highly stigmatized, and women are expected to be sexually available for their husbands.

Chetachi, a year-old mother of four, was representative of a lot of younger women in her account of marriage. She described significant changes in her relationship with her husband since they married. In some ways, Chetachi lamented that marriage and parenthood encroached on the quality of her emotional relationship with her husband, but in other ways she relished the benefits and social recognition of being a wife and mother.

Was he happy? Did he still love me? Was he following another woman? Sometimes Arch Cape Oregon mature sex would get very jealous, even when there was no reason.

See [pointing to Older man seeks promiscuous woman married is best baby on her breast and the three older children playing nearby], now I am married to my children. Because of this, he was discreet about his infidelity. Some women drew on the idea of romantic love, reminding their husbands in various ways of their emotional commitments. Amarachi, a twenty-nine-year-old married mother of three young children, described her rage when she discovered that her husband, Chukwuma, had a girlfriend.

I confronted him and told him I would not tolerate that sort of business. For almost two months, I stopped everything. No road. We had no [sexual] relations Lady wants sex AL Birmingham 35217 all. For a long time, Looking for chubby thick fat girls did not even serve him food.

He became Older man seeks promiscuous woman married is best [meaning serious—not a reference to drinking]. He sent friends to beg me. He even recruited my sister to plead for him. Eventually I forgave him, Older man seeks promiscuous woman married is best I put him on notice that I would not stand such nonsense.

She was hurt. She saw his infidelity as contradicting his avowed love. While she resorted to some time-tested tactics like promiscuouz domestic services, in her depictions of her intent it was clear that she saw his infidelity as a betrayal of love, trust, and intimacy. Few young wives acknowledged the seeming irony that the premarital sexual culture they participated in as single women conflicted with their marital ideals.

Married women routinely condemn the very behavior promisvuous engaged in when they were single. But perhaps the transition is not as abrupt and jarring as it appears. Even single young women who have sexual relationships with married men show a marked respect for marriage. The pursuit of romantic love as an increasingly popular ideal for marriage has complicated and exacerbated some of the challenges young women face as they anticipate, enter, and navigate matrimony.

On the one hand, the language of love and the increasing emphasis in contemporary marriages on the personal relationship between husband and wife offer women a form of leverage that they can utilize in negotiating gender inequality. On the other hand, love as a marital ideal comes with its own social consequences, including a diminution Adult looking nsa FL Yulee 32097 the degree wooman which women feel it is culturally appropriate to make a scene or call on kin to sanction a misbehaving husband.

But marriage in southeastern Nigeria is by no means all about love. The social reproductive projects of Older man seeks promiscuous woman married is best and family building remain paramount goals and deeply sseeks endeavors for both men and women. In this context, the transformation of promiscuous girls to good wives is not only possible, it is socially imperative.

NIH grant: Finally, I am grateful to two anonymous reviewers for helpful criticism and suggestions. National Center for Biotechnology InformationU.

Anthropol Lady wants real sex Crossnore. Author manuscript; available in PMC Nov Daniel Jordan Smith. Author information Copyright and License information Disclaimer.

Daniel Jordan Smith, Brown University. Copyright notice. See other articles in PMC that cite the published article. Abstract The transition from premarital sexual relationships and courtship to marriage and parenthood in southeastern Nigeria involves particularly dramatic adjustments for young women who have absorbed changing ideas about sexuality, marriage, and gender equality, and who have had active premarital sexual lives.

Setting and Background The settings where I conduct most of my womxn are in the midst of significant transformations that both frame and affect sexual behavior, courtship, and marriage. Research Methods This paper draws on more than a dozen years of ethnographic fieldwork in southeastern Nigeria and specifically on two research projects: Promiscuous Girls Harrisburg MO wife swapping Igbo men and women enter marriage with premarital experience in romantic and sexual relationships.

For example, a year-old teacher reported: How Promiscuous Girls Become Good Wives It is often quite easy in southeastern Nigeria to know whether a young woman is married simply by observing her manner of dressing.

Good Wives and Cheating Husbands For married men, the situation is completely different. Conclusion Few young wives acknowledged the seeming irony that the premarital sexual culture they participated in as single women conflicted with their marital ideals.

Footnotes 1 Support for the research on which this article is based came from four research grants: Notions of Romantic Love among the Taita of Kenya.

Jankowiak William. Pdomiscuous Passion: Zeeks Universal Experience? New York: Columbia University Press; Nuptuality sweks Sub-Saharan Africa: Contemporary Anthropological and Demographic Perspectives. Clarendon Press; Through Thick and Thin: Journal of Contemporary African Studies. Fresh Contact in Older man seeks promiscuous woman married is best, Madagascar: Sex, Money and Intergenerational Transformation.

American Ethnologist. Love in Africa. University of Chicago Press; From Duty to Desire: Remaking Families in a Spanish Village. Princeton University Press; Spending Power: Plundered Kitchens, Empty Wombs: Threatened Reproduction and Identity in Cameroonian Grassfields. Ann Arbor: University Older man seeks promiscuous woman married is best Michigan Press; Parenthood, Marriage, and Fertility in West Africa. Journal of Development Studies.

The Urban-Rural Connection in Africa. African Studies Review. Modern Marriage in Sierra Leone: A Study of the Professional Group. Mouton; A Courtship after Marriage: Sexuality and Love in Mexican Transnational Families. University of California Press; The Inevitability of Infidelity: American Journal of Public Health. Modern Loves: The Secret: Love, Marriage, and HIV.

Nashville, TN: Vanderbilt University Press; The Materiality of Everyday Sex: A Study of Changing Perceptions. Parkin David, Nyamwaya David. Transformations in African Marriage. International African Institute; Journal of Biosocial Science.

Turnbull Colin. Africa and Change.